Oftentimes I get to the end of a day and wish I had more time. The house isn’t as clean as I’d like, there is always something left to be done, and no matter how much I’ve accomplished, I feel like I’m falling short. I have to remind myself that what my children care about is making memories and having quality time together, like our dance parties, cuddling on the couch, reading books, going on little adventures, and singing at bed-time. They don’t care if our dinner is fancy, if the kitchen is sparkling, or if I’m behind on laundry. Additionally, I need time to take care of myself. When I’m rested, achieving my goals, exercising, and connecting with family and friends, my cup is full and I have more energy, love and happiness for those around me.
I expect myself to be super-human, and often set myself up for unnecessary disappointment by believing I can achieve perfection.
My life changed dramatically a year ago, with the ending a very broken and emotionally damaging marriage. I found myself excited to heal yet lost in the darkness of pain, and overwhelmed with the process of coming back to life. There is judgement in divorce, and I cared way too much about what others assumed about my life. Becoming a single mother of three felt embarrassing, and I was afraid of becoming jaded, but walking away felt like saving my life. I didn’t fail, I removed myself from an abusive situation so my children could have a happy home, and I could stop living as a shell of myself.
It takes so much strength and courage to change everything, even when it’s the right thing to do!
My healing journey has been transformative. While I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, I do believe that we can grow from our trials and learn from our mistakes. We can become wiser. More than anything else, I had to learn how to forgive myself, and I’ve discovered happiness and enjoyment in life that I didn’t know existed – there’s something about starting over after losing yourself that’s like seeing and experiencing the world with child-like enthusiasm. I appreciate so much the person I’ve become because of the brokenness I’ve experienced. My ability to live one day at a time, focus on the little things instead of worrying about tomorrow, love those around me with more patience and understanding, and pursue my dreams with faith and enthusiasm are all the beautiful result of blooming out of the ashes that were meant to destroy me.
We are all facing something hard, living with demons from our past, trying to heal, and wishing things were easier. I found comfort during my darkest days knowing that I wasn’t alone in my suffering, and now I live with the happiness that comes from knowing we can all reinvent ourselves. We are all survivors, and each day is a new beginning.