For me, each anniversary, birthday, and new year is a time for reflection and goal setting. Where have I been, what have I learned, and where would I like to go next?
2010-2019 included some of the biggest blessings and worst challenges of my lifetime. I won big, lost hard, started over, and (thankfully) transformed in ways I didn’t know were possible (or necessary). 2000-2009 has a similar story. As I’ve sat with my journal to reflect on where I’ve been, where I currently am, and set goals for where I’d like to go, the closing of 2019 comes with some heaviness. I’ve been here before. I had big hopes and dreams going into this decade (and the previous one). Some were realized, some appropriately placed on the back burner, and many lost to hardships in life that were largely outside of my control. For the first time in my adult life it’s December 31st and I don’t have a clear vision for my new year.
I know I’ll continue to focus myself in similar ways to previous years, because I’ve already experienced that I’m a better version of myself and love life more with these priorities: live in the moment, family first, travel often, spend time with myself, drink more water, exercise regularly, and healthy eating. It just doesn’t feel like enough. I’ve survived hell and reinvented myself (twice). I’m still climbing out of the financial downfall of divorce and under-employment. “Starting over” is a blessing and a massive set-back. How do I honor my dreams, skills, and potential with a set of goals and actions created for a new year, and even bigger, and new decade? The upcoming decade includes my daughter’s high school graduation and my 40th birthday… major changes and new chapters are on the horizon for me and my family, and regretfully I’m far from the achievements and version of myself that I envisioned as a young adult. So what else? What should my goals be to truly launch me into a new decade with the kind of vision and passion necessary to break this cycle?
I’m afraid that even with the best of intentions, life will throw another curve ball and I will continue surviving instead of growing. I want to achieve, not just hope and dream. I’m afraid of more loss, disappointment, and regret, so for a few minutes I actually contemplated not setting goals… but that level of “giving up” isn’t an option for me. So I sit with my journal, facing-down a blank page ready for my thoughts, goals, and dreams, and give myself permission to make commitments to myself that are BIG, scary, personal, and aggressive. I AM WORTHY of giving my all to pursue the lifestyle, income, influence, family culture, and passions that make me excited and capitalize on the god-given gifts I possess. It’s a new DECADE and a NEW YEAR. Here’s to living life to the fullest, loving deeply, and pushing boundaries to make dreams a reality!
