I have a very high emotional intelligence, and with that comes a deep awareness of energy, cause-and-effect, and a desire for continued growth and greatness. I’ve always dreamed of living an artistic and adventurous life, and my spirit is very restless right now.
I love milestones and anniversaries, I view my birthday as a new year (blank slate, time to evaluate how I’m living, and an opportunity to set new goals), and I’m constantly reflecting on where I’ve been and considering what that means for where I’m going. A sweet conversation or touching moment in a movie easily brings me to tears, and while the strong, surviver side of my personality doesn’t want to look weak, I spent years guarding my emotions to protect my breaking heart and deal with the disappointment of lost dreams, so this season of sentiment is a welcome and tender journey. I feel more honest and open to my natural feelings and reactions, I love how easily moved I am, and I value the simplest happy moments and accomplishments in a very emotional way. Trauma has a way of changing people, and I’m thankful that mine made me sweeter, more patient, and more excited about life.
Beautiful things were born out of the ashes of my difficult life, and often when I look back it’s with gratitude for all I’ve survived and the meaningful life I’m creating because of everything I’ve been through. There’s a consciousness and awareness that I live with now, and as I pay close attention to the daily highs and lows, I’m discovering what really matters and making sure to spend more time focusing of the people, experiences, love and laughter that makes me happy. My life has changed for the better because it fell apart. Even with peace, acceptance, and self-forgiveness, sometimes my heart just hurts for all the loss and brokenness, the mistakes, and fear still shows it’s ugly face to remind me how fragile life can be, and how quickly everything can change.
I love my crazy imperfect life, and want to do everything in my power to honor myself and the healing journey I’m on. I’ve been given a second chance at happiness and love, and I refuse to mess it up this time!
My birthday is in a few weeks, and for some reason I feel a great level of urgency and importance this year to set goals and make sure I’m doing things that truly advance my life in the direction of my dreams. Maybe it’s because I’ve given myself permission to dream again, or maybe it’s because I have hope where I used to have sadness, but I know that time will pass with or without purpose, and I don’t want to accidentally coast through my life and then have to face regrets that were completely avoidable. I put most of my dreams on a shelf years ago, believing that what I wanted and hoped for in life was merely childish wishes. I told myself that part of growing-up meant facing the reality that life doesn’t work out as we hope, and it’s my job to make the best out of the life I was given. While I do think we have a direct influence over our happiness and can make any situation better or worse through attitude and mind-set, there is way more choice in what we do, how we live, and who we spend our time with than I understood or believed. I lived like a victim, without hope or joy, and full of excuses that were founded in fear and unhappiness.
Now I want to chase my dreams again.
- I want to impact the world for good through photography, writing, and travel.
- I want to tell my story of brokenness and recovery in a way that inspires other women to change their lives.
- I want to use my motivational and sales skills to bless those around me.
- I want to spend quality time with my children, giving them a solid foundation and the freedom to discover their unique personalities and passions.
- I want a life-long love, and to grow old with my best friend.
But I’m terrified! My youthful self believed that life was going to be everything I could imagine, and I did some amazing things as a young adult because I couldn’t imagine failing. Now my bruised heart is so cautious that sometimes I wonder if I’m brave enough to dive-in and go after my deepest desires again. But I have to! I was designed for more, and if I don’t try I’ll regret it forever!
I count my blessings daily, feel deeply, and I’m willing to face my fears. I’m slowly coming back to life, learning to trust myself, and I want to believe with crazy enthusiasm that my dreams can become a reality. So every day I remind myself that I am brave, I am wise, I am creative, I am unstoppable, I am powerful, and I am talented. As I close my 35th year and start my 36th year, I AM READY FOR GREATNESS!